I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
