so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
