break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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