$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
