meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
