He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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