the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
