Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
