haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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