Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
