quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
