I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
