she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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