Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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