He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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