Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
