I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
