his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
