True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
