walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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