Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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