his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
