Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
