So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
