You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
