so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
