I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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