She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
