her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
