Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
