I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
