If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
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You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
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He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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