I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
