Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
