Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
