his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
