Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
