my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.