Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.