Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...