Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.