Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
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For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
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I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?