You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.