Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?