what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.