if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
