marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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