Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
