P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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