I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
