I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
you never un-have a 4some
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
