Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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