we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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