Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
