just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
