a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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