I bet he comes in French.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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