i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
