Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
