I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
