oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
