I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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