i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
