my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
3pm strippers are depressing
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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