So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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