Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
