she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
