Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
