I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
