no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
