you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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