i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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