I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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