There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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