We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
