I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
