the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
