Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
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I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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