you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
