I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
