I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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