Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
