I got chris browned last night
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
