my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
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I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
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Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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