totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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